Welcome to my Blog: Surviving an Abuser

I’ll start off by explaining the 4 non physical types of Intimacy:

• Emotional intimacy.
• Intellectual intimacy.
• Experiential intimacy.
• Spiritual intimacy.

Emotional intimacy involves candid, authentic sharing of thoughts and feelings. It involves being able to tell each other your deepest fears, dreams, disappointments, and most complicated emotions, as well as feeling seen and understood when you do. Emotional intimacy means both you and your partner feel safe and comfortable with this type of uninhibited expression around each other.

Intellectual intimacy is comfort with communicating beliefs and viewpoints without worrying about potential conflicts. Each person in the relationship has the freedom to think for themselves and believes that their opinions are valued—instead of feeling pressured to agree. This atmosphere encourages stimulating conversation. You feel closer to the person who cares for you independently of differences and respects your voice.

Experiential intimacy is having shared experiences that lead to inside jokes and private memories that can intensify a connection. The act of teamwork and moving in unison toward a common goal – activities and projects among some of those experiences.

Religious practice isn’t necessary for spiritual intimacy, though it can serve the purpose. This closeness forms when you share poignant moments with your partner. Sitting and watching a sunset together, holding hands and walking along a beach, to name a few.

Though praying and worshipping as a couple can also qualify as spiritual intimacy.

Another example is when partners discuss their ethics, sense of purpose, and personal definitions of spirituality. These discussions deepen a couples understanding of each other.

Next, lets talk about Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy includes both sensuous and sexual activity between two persons and the sharing of reactions, thoughts, and emotions that are involved in these activities. Having physical intimacy in a relationship is very important.

• foreplay or non-coital sexual activity
• bathing together
• swimming together
• pleasuring
• caressing each other’s body
• sexual intercourse
• the afterglow (e.g., the tender words that are exchanged after sexual activity, cuddling)

Physical intimacy strengthens the bond between two people and fosters closeness, love, and affection between couples. The importance of sex in relationships is rooted in the fact that it is a significant binder that helps couples iron out their differences. 

Physical intimacy builds a stronger connection between two people by mitigating any existing negativity. 

Physical intimacy can range from eye contact, holding hands, cuddling, and of course, sex.

The importance of sex in relationships involves a deep emotional connection that is strengthened when you are in close sensual proximity to your spouse. 

Importance of sex in relationships

Touching, both romantically and otherwise, can help strengthen the bond that exists between two people. It acts as validation and proof that someone cares for you, finds you desirable, and truly wants to be with you.

Having this deep bond can have a positive effect on nearly every other aspect of your relationship.

So lets talk about the benefits of having sex in a relationship:

1. An expression of love

One of the biggest reasons why physical intimacy is important in a relationship is that this is one of the main ways partners express their love for one another. 

Why does sex matter in a relationship? 

The intimate time you spend together is romantic, thrilling and releases oxytocin and dopamine. 

This hormone and neurotransmitter are responsible for feeling closer to your partner through promoting trust and happiness.

When a relationship lacks sexual chemistry and physical affection, it is more likely to fail.Therefore, the importance of sex in relationships is linked to its benefits and the overall health and longevity of the relationship. 

2. Reduces stress

One of the benefits of sex is that it helps minimize psychological stress and anxiety. Being physically intimate in a relationship helps lower blood pressure.

Other forms of physical intimacy, such as hugging or hand-holding, can trigger the release of oxytocin too.

The oxytocin hormone will then trigger the brain’s reward and pleasure centers, which lowers the feelings of anxiety and thus proves the importance of sex in relationships.

3. Builds trust

Logically, trust is built over time when a couple gets to know one another’s true loyalty, patterns, and behavior. 

But in the brain, trust is often triggered by the release of oxytocin.

While having sex or cuddling close on the couch or in bed, people slowly become more trusting and open to social interactions with their partner. Trust is a huge part of relationships. 

4. Intimacy outside the bedroom

The closer you are in the bedroom, the more connected you will feel outside of it.

Being physically intimate with your spouse or partner is one of the biggest ways you connect in all other areas of your relationship.

5. Boosts immune system

There are benefits of sex, both mentally and physically. Being intimate with your spouse can have a direct effect on your immune system.

The immune system receives a boost during sexual arousal and orgasm.
When you are regularly sexually active with your partner, you will raise the antibodies in your system that are responsible for fighting against viruses and germs that make you sick.

6. Raises morale

Another importance of physical intimacy in a relationship is that sex can boost morale. 

Because physical intimacy in a relationship boosts dopamine, it makes you feel happier.

Happy people have happy relationships.

7. Promotes chemistry

Being physically intimate means not only having intercourse with one another but also sharing personal moments of closeness. 

These can range from a sweet caress, a lingering kiss on the lips, or laughing together over a shared moment.

This behavior promotes chemistry and sexual anticipation. 

The sexual expectation brings excitement to the relationship and makes couples feel more connected.

8. Health benefits

It can also provide mental health benefits by bringing joy, pleasure and care into your life. It can offer companionship, understanding and make you feel appreciated. 

9. Youthful looks

There may be a correlation between a physically intimate relationship and how young you look. 

The estrogen and testosterone released during sex may give your body a youthful, healthy glow. Also, sex can make you smile and feel better about yourself, making you more desirable to your partner. 

10. Increases relationship satisfaction

Touch is a strong sensation, both physically and emotionally. It brings up feelings of safety, comfort, love, playfulness, sexual suggestiveness and more. 

Couples who are physically intimate report a higher rate of relationship satisfaction. 

When partners engage one another with physical touching, sexual or otherwise, it makes them feel cared for and desired.

11. Better sleep at night

Sex is physically draining, and it involves the release of hormones in the body that can relax you.

Being physically intimate without sex also has its benefits. Couples sleep better and feel closer to one another when they cuddle their way to sleep. 

12. Pain relief

The endorphin release post-orgasm can act as a natural painkiller in your system. 

Oxytocin released by physical touching and sex can also relieve pain and headaches, help you decompress, and reduce many forms of physical illness.

The next time you have a minor ache or pain, instead of avoiding sex, let the release of natural chemicals post-orgasm heal you.

13. Exercise

How sex affects relationships can be assessed by the amount of physical movement it brings into your life.

Sex can be an exercise that gives pleasure while also making your heart beat faster. It can help you get moving in a way that you enjoy and want to do.

14. Reduces chances of anxiety, depression

Sex is usually a pleasurable act that brings something into your day that is positive and enjoyable. It can make you feel better after a hard day of work or during a challenging period in your life.

Negativity can drive you towards anxiety and depression, and sex can be a respite from those emotions. It can bring joy to your tough day and help you get a break from the negative thoughts.

Is sex necessary for a healthy relationship?

Due to various medical, physical and emotional factors, couples can have a relationship without having sex with each other. It does not affect the compatibility as long as both partners are on the same page and love each other. 

A Sexless relationship

A sexless relationship is a relationship where there’s little to no sexual activity occurring between the couple. There’s no exact way to quantify what counts as a sexless relationship, as different people have different expectations and desires for sex, but having sex less than 10 times a year is usually considered a sexless relationship.

What can cause a sexless marriage

• Neither person cares about sex that much
• Being so busy that sex is deprioritized
• Neglecting intimacy and pleasure in general
• Conflict in the relationship that creates disconnection
• Health challenges (e.g. sexual pain, dysfunction, aging-related changes, etc.)
• One or both partners are asexual
• One or both partners have experienced sexual trauma, making sex harder or less appealing
• Mismatched libido, (when one person wants more sex than the other one).

A sexless relationship will not necessarily harm the overall health of the relationship. “If both people are happy without sex.”

If one or both people are unhappy with their sex life, it can cause negative feelings that can bubble up in other areas of their life and taint the rest of the relationship. 

It can cause

• loneliness, resentment, guilt, rejection, and inadequacy
• Frustration, which leads to anger, irritation and anxiousness
• Less openness and connection
• Less goodwill and kindness
• Less patience with each other

Can a relationship survive without intimacy?

A relationship can survive without intimacy, and so can sexless relationships. But a relationship without intimacy is not exactly the same as a relationship without sex. Some people might not have a ton of sexual activity and don’t mind at all, especially if they have the other 4 types of intimacy.

But if you have no types of intimacy whatsoever in the relationship, that’s a whole separate problem that may not necessarily be related to the lack of sex.

A relationship without intimacy and passion that solely has commitment is called empty love. These relationships can survive; however, partners might look more like roommates than lovers. 

Sex is not the only way and not always the most important way to connect with one another. It’s really an individual choice whether a person wants to stay in the relationship and something that takes an honest conversation with yourself about desire and sexual needs.

TALK ABOUT IT

Its crucial to talk with your partner about your feelings and desires. 

Identify what’s in the way for the both of you, and look at finding solutions.

Keep the communication open and the willingness to work together.

GOOD LUCK AND HAPPY SEX!