Welcome to my Blog: Surviving an Abuser

The abusive marriage I was in was based on immaturity on both sides. 

I wanted to be loved and shown attention, he wanted to be taken care of, be selfish, and act like he was still single.

I thought he was sexy and good looking, he thought I was plain and annoying.

He didn’t really know me, my personality or quirks, I knew him and tried to change him.

I grew to be needy, he grew to be even more allusive and absent. 

He started to get into expensive hobbies and caused us to spend more money than we had coming in to keep the hobbies going. So, we went from having a little money to having less and less. 

I started to be more and more lonely, stressed, and other than work I would go grocery shopping just to be out of the house and have some peace.

My neediness for some type of attention turned me into a doormat with no emotional strength to make changes. His overbearing nature became abusive, threatening, and destructive.

I had always been the higher income earner, and he would always quit and move from job to job.  His way of putting me in my place was to put me down and verbally, emotionally and physically abuse me. 

By my late 20’s I’d had to file bankruptcy once, and have two vehicles repossessed. 

It wasn’t until after my life hit rock bottom (after divorcing him twice and being together 20 years), I was finally able to make some changes.

I found myself. I became emotionally strong. 

I learned to stand up for myself.  

After my divorce and having a few years to learn how to navigate singleness and men’s personalities, I had made a checklist of what I thought I would need and the personalities I was attracted to.

I then found someone to love that would love me back .

We had a lot in common in the way we grew up, our thoughts and feelings about life, our needs and our desires.

As time has passed and we have become older and wiser, we have found our love to be a confirming love, a love you feel for that person based on admiration and respect. A friendship so strong there is no breaking of the connection. A feeling that says I love this person so much I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. 

I am grateful for all that I have learned in my life, I wouldn’t be who I am without those lessens. I wouldn’t say that I would do it all again to be where I am today because of the absolute pain I had endured. There is no way to determine where I would’ve ended up had I taken a different course in life. But because of my choices I am here today, in a beautiful loving relationship, and peace in my heart. ❤️